On becoming unstuck
I realised this morning that I have been feeling stuck. Stuck health wise, not recovering to full health just as quickly as I expected to, stuck creatively, ideas and words not flowing, trying to create an online course and losing momentum….
Stuck in the mud, walking through mud stuck, each step a reluctant one, a really can’t be bothered stuck, a ‘do I hufftae ‘ stuck , a maybe-I -will -just -take- a -nap -instead ,and oh well,I will have another slice of toast with peanut butter, then maybe toast and honey..
If I had any wine I would no doubt have tried that too. I did find a bag of cheese and onion crisps and some really quite stale marmite rice cakes, at the back of the cupboard, did I eat them? you bet I did! Did I enjoy them, nope ..
And, there is nothing wrong with all of this, nothing at all , but today, I realised that the ‘ problem ‘ is simply that I needed to cry , I needed a really good releasing howl , and to heck with what the neighbours might think!
And then, I realised that not crying, or not realising I needed to, is what was keeping me stuck, and what kept me awake for most of last night. Accumulated fear, sadness, and anger swirling around.
The trigger for the tears? A video of my kitty cat Socks from 2 years ago, I heard her miaow, and that was it, I was sobbing. And when I finished crying and had a shower I went to the kitchen and realised I have been stuffing down my emotions with toast. A quick fix, not even a fix, more a numbing ..
And so, I began to prepare meals with the food I have sitting there, I started with making fruit salad, chopped up a grapefruit and peeled an orange, and oh! The aroma of that orange! I popped each segment straight in my mouth and savoured the juice as it ran down my chin, why had I not fed myself this pleasure, this nourishment?
I continued making a huge mixed fruit salad. I peered in the fridge and found and prepared broccoli, tomatoes, leeks, potatoes, and later I will make soup.
As soon as I began to take steps towards feeling better, I began to feel better, I felt lighter, brighter and more positive.
We usually do know what we need, and sometimes we don’t realise, or refuse to listen to that little inner wise voice, until we do, until we are ready. And then we can begin. So now, I am taking my own advice, and topping up my nourishment with the medicine I already had in the fridge.
Not saying I will never eat peanut butter on toast again, but I know that too much of this makes me sluggish and heavy, and, the rainbow of fruit and veg, pleasing all my senses, has me feeling so much more ALIVE today. Truly a case of healer, heal thyself 🌟
Just for today, I am unstuck enough to resume writing this blog, which I have wanted to do for quite some time, so three cheers for me. Hurray 😊
( p.s. Once I’d written this blog a little bell rang and I looked back over previous blogs to find a similar one from May 2019 , called Mary, heal thyself ! One of these days I truly will take my own advice 😊)